|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
watching children play - 2/10/2010 11:25:37 PM
|
|
|
gralan
Posts: 2024
Joined: 1/29/2010
From: RV in Texas
Status: online
|
I saw an older man today
stop and watch some children play
and as I watched I saw the rise
of tears within his aged eyes.
He nimbly wiped the little streak
of tears that rolled down on his cheek
and with a smile he turned away
walking the way I'll walk someday.
I hope when I'm as old as he
that someone who is young like me
will find a little hope the day
they watch me watching children play.
1980, ga.
Anyone have additional poetry in this line?
< Message edited by gralan -- 2/11/2010 2:18:43 AM >
_____________________________
suffering servant, gralan,
BTh student TGSAT
//TrinityTheology.org/
//freecourses.trinitytheology.org/
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: watching children play - 2/12/2010 3:03:31 PM
|
|
|
Mark0
Posts: 107
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
|
That's cute. It would be cuter if I wasn't already approaching that age. Thanks,
mark
|
|
|
|
RE: watching children play - 3/10/2010 11:44:29 PM
|
|
|
sallyannester
Posts: 140
Joined: 1/7/2010
From: Australia
Status: offline
|
very nice gralan  & you accept the fact you may be the person you saw/wrote about, one day. Should make us all remember that even though we would like it to sometimes, 'time' does not stand still for us.
_____________________________
We are so insignificant compared to the size of the known universe. But, we were significant enough for the Creator of the Universe to visit us.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: watching children play - 3/10/2010 11:59:45 PM
|
|
|
Elena1030
Posts: 2977
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: online
|
Gralan, that was delightful!
I think I only saw some missing punctuation, but other than that, it's well written. Simple, straightforward, but sweet... and not in a cloying way. And you kept the meter well, and the rhyme works with your subject.
I like the chiastic structure as well. 
I'm not sure if others have poetry along the same lines. I usually recommend that each poem, story, essay, written piece have its own thread in this folder, as doing so facilitates discussion on the piece.
Please do start a new thread for each piece you'd like to share with us. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you in the arena of writing!
(Since rhymed poetry is not my forte, I don't usually write it, so I have nothing in that vein to post. But I have posted my poetry here over the years - you might be able to find some in the archives. Plus, I have a poetry blog - PM me if you'd like the URL.)
Thanks again! 
_____________________________
"I like to stride, not mince." -- Maggie
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
